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Zack boosted
Zack boosted

Me, a cishet dude registering on mastodon. "Gotta get the chicks interested in me somehow", I think as I scratch my head thoughtfully. I smile to myself and finally type:

"I'm well horny looooll"

then sit back, content, and wait for the tits to roll in

Zack boosted

Sitting around playing video games and drinking beer so I can keep that dad bod

Zack boosted

let me blow raspberries on your belly you fucking coward

Zack boosted

I was gonna look up a winnie the pooh quote but Loki decided that it's his book. His forever

It’s probably very important for you to know that I only have notifications enabled for replies and mentions, not faves or boosts. So you have to @ me for me to get the bloops. Thank you for your time

Zack boosted

oh, you're straight? then who in your relationship gets all their validation from the mastobloop noise and who reluctantly made an account to indulge them

pet medical stuff 

Zack boosted
Zack boosted

okay I went to breakfast and paid a bill can be done for today

Zack boosted

Periodic reminder that this perfect animal lives with me.

Zack boosted

if your annoyed by the amount of space movies coming out, consider all the possible locations a film could take place in. space is like 99.9% of them dumb ass

Zack boosted
Zack boosted
Zack boosted
Zack boosted

9/11, sincere 

Zack boosted
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butts.team

Butts: Everyone has one!