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Things cops won't actually help you with in any material way, even if you're white:

* Stop an ongoing home invasion
* Stop an ongoing robbery
* Help in a mental health crisis
* Resolve a domestic dispute

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when a cat lays down on you by body slamming 🥰

I might be one of the good ones BUT ask Jen because I broke her heart so yeah watch out for that

The worst part about Fat Wife is that you can’t call out sightings in the wild without getting your ass kicked by a hot fat milf

@mood super chill, i am chasing my dreams, or so they tell me

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Zack boosted

nearly been here 3 years now and i don't think there's a stronger contender for 'funniest incident on the fedi' than that time someone everyone was mufos with suddenly announced they had decided to become a cop in a toot, wild

I like to toast my oatmeal in the pan a tiny bit before I add water and I accidentally left it on the stove too long and didn’t notice until I could smell oat smoke, oops

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a lot of questions about my "BE AWARE OF BUTT" sign that could be answered by reading the sign

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Long loading screens and “frame rates” are among the many hardships faced by the modern gamer

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selfie, eye contact 

First selfie of the year featuring Pasha

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Hello I have 20+ years of SRE/DevOps/Sysadmin and programming experience. Do you know an appropriate job for me for around 30 hours a week? Are you hiring? DM me!

Thanks!

:boost_requested:

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Zack boosted

I have unfortunately been run over by a tank.

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butts.team

Butts: Everyone has one!