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why the sky is dark at night 

We are surrounded by on all sides by stars. They literally fill the sky all around us, but if this is the case, shouldn't our night sky be lit up with stars? Yes, we should, except!!! Those stars are so far away that their light hasn't reached us yet! So now you know why the sky is dark at night, even though we're surrounded by stars.

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how to tell if a lime is ripe, this may surprise you! 

Oh here’s a fun fact about limes: they’re ripe when they’re yellow! A green lime is actually unripe. I am not sure why stores stock them green, maybe so you can tell them from the lemons!

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how to tell whether a watermelon is ripe 🍉 

It’s really easy to tell if a watermelon is ripe! First off: thumping doesn’t help, and weight isn’t really a good indicator. But that’s okay because the easiest way to tell is by color. Look for a spot on the melon that’s lighter in color than the rest of the rind: this is the spot that was touching the ground while the melon was growing! If that spot is white, the melon isn’t good yet. When that spot turns yellow, the watermelon is ripe!

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how to tell if a pear is ripe, this will change your relationship to pears 

None of you know how to ripen a pear and that’s okay! I am here to help. A perfectly ripe pear is one of life’s great joys but most folks don’t know how to identify one! So they get a bad rap.

The thing is, pears ripen from the core outward, so by the time the flesh is soft on the outside it’s too late! What you want to do is feel the flesh right around the stem, when it's soft the pear is ripe. Try it! 🍐

That feel when the joke has run its course

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and the award for Best Sportsball Team Name Of All TIme goes to

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Incredibly long video: if you've made it this far, thank you

Me: 😉

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sex adjacent 

I always use two forms of birth control:

1. My looks
2. My personality

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human sacrifice for the sun? :drake_dislike:

human sacrifice for The Economy? :drake_like:

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genitals 

i was circumcised so every foreskin post ive made is a form of stolen valor

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i guess your gender is Linux or whatever the fuck

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Please be nice, and not for the sake of clout, okay?

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:bing: if i vote for biden will he bring back the milfs

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stupid pet peeve I'm nursing and will NEVER stop 

Raccoons deserve better than being called trash pandas, even in endearment. We urbanized their home and instead of getting displaced they just rolled with it 'cause they're clever and adaptable. They're brave little fuckers who are actively co-evolving with us, just like rats and birds. Pandas got nothing on them. :blobpatraccoon:

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Selfie, no ec, just showing offf 

Remember when I lived in a place with good lighting lol how bougie.
Anyway here are my outfits. I put on A and realized it wasn't comfy for what I'm doing today, and so I am wearing B.
Getchu someone who can do both

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being arrested in Portland 

What happens if the federal mercenaries arrest you in Portland.

Note the absence of Miranda rights, no phone call, not being informed of the charge, no charging documents, and not getting your belongings or your ID back.

The mercenaries keeping your driver's license, wallet, and phone after they kidnap you is a deliberate attack on your life.

If you protest, carry a copy of your ID and not real ID.

portlandoregonian-or.newsmemor

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Can't stare into the void if the void is behind your eyes *taps head*

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butts.team

Butts: Everyone has one!